1. |
Little Boy
00:42
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He’s just a little boy
He’s just a little boy
He’s just a little boy
He’s just a little boy
He’s just a little boy
He is a little boy
(Little boy)
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2. |
Turn N Burp
03:06
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I don't have friends and I don't have money
But I could burp real quick and point at you, honey
Just give me a second, just close your eyes
I'll crouch behind this bush so you can realize that:
Everybody's doin' the Turn N Burp, yeah
You know you got it when you're turnin' purp
Just point your fingers like your shootin' a gun, yeah
And whip around with a long, wet burp--Oh no!
Why does no one like me? I just wanna dance
And jump out at pedestrians, just give me a chance
I won't put a shirt on and I won't take a bath
Just do the Turn N Burp, it's just like doing math, yeah
Everybody's doin' the Turn N Burp, yeah
You know you got it when you're turnin' purp
Just give your friends a taste of your lunch, yeah
And whip around with a long, wet burp--Oh no!
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3. |
Ruminations I
02:11
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When I was small I remember I didn’t have any friends
But now that I’m big, I definitely have several more friends
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4. |
Upon Wendell's Stoop
01:23
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5. |
Arbor Day
02:33
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(We got ourselves and ol' fashioned hoedown!)
I ate old raisins for breakfast and I got so sick that I had diarrhea for six hours straight and passed out on the floor and had a dream that I had no hands and so when I woke up I was terrified of the appendages on my arms so I cut them off with a can opener and blood was spewing out of my stumps which was frustrating so I tried to call my friend Derek but Derek is always sleeping and also I could not hold the telephone without hands so I tried to knock on his door down the hall but it hurt sort of because I had no hands and so I bust my face through his door and he was sitting on the floor and spanking his handsome hands together and when he saw me he screamed and ran to the door to help me but then slipped on a puddle of gravy and fell and he cracked his head open on the tile floor and said "I think I'm dying" and he died and I could not pull my head out of his door so I pushed the rest of myself in and slipped on Derek's brains and fell onto his corpse which was quite plush and so I slept and dreamt I had his handsome hands.
(What does it mean, ladies and gentlemen? I don't know. I suggest y'all go home and get yourself a nice footbath!)
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6. |
Johnny's Big-Time Dream
03:28
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Squeeze your brain, come into the Girthquake!
Existential turnip in the microwave
Where the milkman and Robocop they come to play
Watch them dance, prance and dance and dip away
Luxemburg, telepicklepastry in my jeans
Ushers in Uncle Vegas and the Ranch Daddy
Enjoin in the circle of my inner-chin
A thousand chins alone to pour gazpacho in
‘When I was but a boy I found my diddy playing in the toilet and I said, “Diddy, what are you doing there?” and he said, “Son, come with me—I’m going to take you to a land you’ve never seen before,” and we went in and it was ALL gravy, and my diddy said, “Son, this is how the real world works,” and I became enlightened in myself to the point that I became my very own diddy and my diddy became my very own me and suddenly we were both Canadian and we had no money.’
(?) all the other nuns you’ve never seen
A chimpanzee named Chipendale got monkey-sheen
Take your soul, take your buttocks in your hands
Taste your ego, squeeze your buttocks into sand
It’s all sand…
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7. |
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Euguuhghhhhh!!!
My name is Crustee Staynz
I live in crusty pain
I’ve got crust in my veins
My life is a crusty stain
My wife is a crusty stain
My wife makes me uncomfortable
…Over there…
What are you—what are you doin’?
I don’t like you anymore!
O0o0o0o0O0o0Ooo0oOo0o0OO0ooO0O
!eromyna uoy ekil t’nod I
?’niod uoy era tahw—uoy era tahW
…ereht revO…
elbatrofmocnu em sekam efiw yM
niats ytsurc a si efiw yM
niats ytsurc a si efil yM
sniev ym ni tsurc tog ev’I
niap ytsurc ni evil I
znyatS eetsurC si eman yM
!!!hhhhhghuuguE
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8. |
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Through the park in the springtime on tandem bikes
Lickin’ ‘cicles and ticklin’ and flying kites
We like to buy things and trash them and buy them again
We are the best of friends if best friends were friends times ten
At slumber parties at Carrie’s we play dress-up
Work through the tough stuff like break-ups or the hiccups
Sadie pranks us and spanks us when we try to go to sleep
Wanda thinks it’s too bad that you still think I’m a creep
We’ll stick together ‘til the world itself ends but do
I really need to stress
That spending every day with all of your mom’s friends doesn’t
Mean that I love you less
Days at the sawmill long linger and get pretty tough
Missin’ your mom’s friends and teatime and playin’ rough
But when I clock out I see that old caravan
Waitin’ out there for me, honk to me: it’s your mom’s friends
We’ve got nothing to hide, we are just pals and if
You’ve got a problem with that too
Take it up with me after Carrie’s bath, she’s been
Waiting all afternoon.
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9. |
Dinner!
03:24
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I had myself a friend
Who said that he loved dinners
And I cried, “Hey, why don’t you come on down to my house?”
The day finally came
When we bought ourselves a dinner
And we thrust that mother straight into the back of the oven
We twid our thumbs in wait
As the oven cooked the dinner
We were pretty much on the train to Dinnertown, USA
The oven tweeped a beep
That it was preggers with our dinner
We yanked it out of the oven and screamed, “MMM! DINNER!”
We put it on the table
And we stared that steamy dinner down
Jeeze, like we were ready to eat or somethin’!
We pinched utensils tight
And we dipped into the dinner
And our eyes burned with rapture, and we sang, “MMM! DINNER!”
And then…
We crawled into bed…
And had…
And had…
Dessert.
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10. |
Bidet of Sorrow
01:58
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11. |
Ruminations II
02:15
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I bought a house to fill with my numerous friends
But when they all died I struggled to find four more friends
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12. |
Forever a Golden Boy
04:22
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(Just one more cartwheel for daddy…
Come this way, my golden boy…)
I was strolling on the west side of town
Lamplight on my shoulders, the sun was going down
That’s when I chanced to see the Golden Boy
Kickin’ it, like he do, every day, in his jeans
He delivered pizzas he made all himself
Hot and tasty pepperoni in tight, black, men’s jeans
Sing to me
He was forever a Golden Boy
Until he died from crumping all night
You were a treasure, you Golden Boy
Your mixtape collection, and your tight men’s jeans
(Can I have a slice?)
I can still see you cartwheeling down the avenue
Licking stamps for grannies, and smacking your lips
And here I sit alone in this empty old condo
That you never invited me to; it’s a nice place
Sing to me
You were forever a Golden Boy,
Crumping my dreams in tight, black, men’s jeans
You were a treasure you Golden Boy,
But now you’re not; the pizza’s still hot, my friend
(Your haircut makes me uncomfortable)
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13. |
Big Man
03:02
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I’m a big man
Look at me
I’m a stumpy, wooly man
Naked and free
I’m a big man
Bona fide
I’m a frisky man
Who loves to slide and slip and sneak and hide
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Johnny Thursday Boston, Massachusetts
Johnny Thursday parted from the primordial ooze of love when he was but a boy. Now, he writes folk songs that defile expectations.
Someday, he will die.
Johnny Thursday recommends:
A band headed by Johnny's partner in musical crime, Zach McCowin, Blood Capsules' debut Call Home is a slick, thoughtful, alt rock tour de tasty.
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